American Baristas in Wizarding London
by MagicalStarbucks
Summary: Two American witches move to Wizarding London to open the first magical Starbucks in England. Hilarity ensues. Cameos from major HP characters. Original characters.
1. Chapter 1

Corvus was wrapping a magical glass decanter in old pages of _The New York Ghost_ when Crystal flew into the room.

"It's done!" Crystal shouted enthusiastically.

"What's done?" Corvus asked, smiling at her best friend and business partner.

"I've found the location for our magical Starbucks!" Crystal said, pulling out a map and pointing at a spot on it.

"Well? Tell me about it!" Corvus said, her excitement growing.

"It's in the heart of Wizarding London," Crystal began to explain. "It's on a crossroads. The realtor said the roads are called Diagon Alley and Knockturn Alley, the two main thoroughfares."

"That sounds expensive though," Corvus said. "Can we afford that?"

"Yes," Crystal said. "The realtor was very happy to help me get a deal on it. I think he was really trying to move this property."

"I wonder if it's haunted or something?" Corvus said.

"Who cares? It sounds great, and it's ours," Crystal replied. "I bought it site unseen."


	2. Chapter 2

"This is…" Crystal stared at the building in front of her, lost for words. Corvus made a noise behind her that she recognized as stifled laughter. Crystal scrunched her face in annoyance and worry.

Dan Cooper, their realtor, gestured up at the ramshackle building, complete with boarded up windows and at least two gaping holes in the brickwork that Crys could see. Meanwhile, Dan looked up as though he had just sold Buckingham Palace.

"This, my friend, is _potential_. Just think about everything you can accomplish! The foundation of your life in Wizarding London is right here." He grinned broadly and reached out to hand Crystal the keys. She did not take them.

"Danny, you sold me a clunker. Look at this place!" Crystal's frowning intensified. "Not only that, but you sold me a clunker in what is clearly a bad part of town!" She gestured towards Knockturn Alley. Her look softened, turning hurt. "I thought we were friends."

Cooper sighed and rubbed his temples. "We are friends, Crys. Look, the truth is that this is the best I could do with the little money you gave me to work with. And for better or worse, it's yours now. And...Knockturn Alley isn't a bad neighborhood. Just, you know, colorful."

He went to hand Crystal the keys, only to discover they had vanished.

Corvus, bored with their conversation, had stolen them and entered into their new home moments earlier.


	3. Chapter 3

"I can't believe we're in the shady part of town," Crys whined.

"It's not so bad," Corvus said. "Even dark wizards need coffee, right?"

Corvus continued her exploration of their newly purchased property. There were repairs that needed to be made to the building - the brickwork, the windows, the walls and ceiling; practically everything needed work. But she could envision her and Crystal's dream of a magical Starbucks.

Corvus and Crystal had frequented the magical Starbucks in Wizarding Manhattan for years. For Crystal, the magical Starbucks helped her feel connected to her No-Maj roots. Starbucks was, after all, the most popular No-Maj coffee franchise in the USA. The fact that Howard Schultz, the former CEO of Starbucks, was a wizard helped the franchise break into the wizarding world.

"I think the coffee bar could go here," Corvus said, pointing her finger down an imaginary line in the room. "And the cash register here."

"This is going to be so much work," Crystal sighed.

"Well, we still need to hire a house elf," Corvus said. "That should be a lot of help."

"I've never met a house elf before," Crystal said. "Not too many of them in the U.S."

Corvus nodded, thinking about all the errands she still needed to run. There were permits of all sorts she needed to apply for at the Ministry of Magic. And she had heard that the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures kept a freed house elf registry that she could hire a house elf from.


	4. Chapter 4

As Corvus's voice faded into half verbalized mental checklists, Crystal tried her best to visualize the new coffee bar, tables, and register that would fill the room and replace the overturned couch, empty display counter, and general detritus that littered the floor. She sighed and leaned against the nearest wall. A series of loud bangs ran up it behind her. She jumped back, her wand drawn, eyes wide.

Corvus raised her eyebrows at Crys, who mouthed silently, "What if it's ghosts?"

Corvus laughed. She picked up an empty sack with an unidentified label from the floor and threw it at Crystal's head. "Then we'll have extra eyes to watch the building for us. Now stop moping and help me pick up."

Crys shivered at the idea of ghost eyes watching her. She'd never quite gotten used to the normality of hauntings in the wizarding world.

She raised her wand and absentmindedly spoke a few words to get the smaller pieces of trash airborne, then netted them with her empty sack as she walked. Work continued as the day dragged on. They finished disposing of the smaller trash, then moved onto the couch. It took both of them concentrating and several failed attempts before successfully casting _Evanesco_ on it, making the ratty old thing vanish.

They bemoaned the lack of takeout options ("Surely we can get pizza somewhere?") before Corvus agreed to venture out and see what she could scrounge up for them.

Crystal decided to stay and investigate their new lodgings. The storefront had several rooms above it which the two planned to stay in. As she ascended the stairs her foot went through a rotten board, and Crystal quietly regretted buying _site unseen_. She cast a _Reparo_ charm before finishing her trek up the dark stairwell.

"Lumos!" The upstairs landing filled with light, illuminating three doorways. The door directly across from the stairs opened into a dank creepy looking attic. A bang echoed inside of it as soon as she opened the door, so Crys quickly slammed the door shut. " _Nope_!"

The next room she opened was the door to the right of the stairwell. A tall bookshelf, old bed frame with no mattress, and small writing desk waited for her. There was even a functioning window with all of its glass intact.

She smiled and took off her moss green jacket and tossed it on top of the desk, revealing her heavily tattooed arms. She looked over the pictures of intertwining vines and other flora curiously, searching for something.

"Artie? Where are you hiding?" She lifted the top of her sleeves, revealing a sleeping python tattoo curled on top of her shoulder. She covered him back up and gently patted the snake tattoo. _Probably jetlagged_ , she thought, _Best to let him sleep_.

It was then that she heard someone gently clear their throat. Expecting it to be Corvus, she turned to the doorway only to find it empty. There was another polite cough, followed by a voice.

"Pardon me, madam. Would it be presumptuous of me to ask what you are doing in my home?"


	5. Chapter 5

Corvus left Crystal behind and set out in search of some decent take-out for dinner. After wandering Diagon Alley for awhile, she discovered a pub called The Leaky Cauldron.

Upon entering, Corvus found it to be dark, dingy, and a bit run down. It seemed that "leaky" wasn't just a quaint name for the place. _Do they not have health inspections for food establishments here?_ Corvus thought. But The Leaky Cauldron still seemed to be her best option for take-out. Wizarding London didn't seem to have much in the way of pizzerias or fast food.

"Can I help you?" A young blonde witch behind the bar asked.

Corvus requested a menu and began to peruse it, discovering she wasn't familiar with many of the food items on it.

"What the hell is with all the pumpkin stuff on the menu?" Corvus asked nobody in particular. "Pumpkin pasties, pumpkin juice. It's not even autumn, for god's sake."

Corvus placed her order - two sandwiches, which seemed like a safe enough bet.

"Uh, what exactly is butterbeer?" Corvus asked the witch behind the bar. "And is it actually alcoholic?"

The blonde witch, who Corvus discovered was wearing a nametag that said Hannah on it, gave a little laugh.

"It's got only a little alcohol in it," Hannah explained. "It tastes sort of like butterscotch. It's pretty popular. You should try it."

After getting her food - including two bottles of butterbeer - and paying the bill, Corvus headed back to her new home. Once inside, she could hear voices coming from upstairs. Pulling out her wand, she made her way to the second floor as quietly as possible.

"What is a beautiful witch such as yourself doing here?" she heard a male voice asking - flirting with? - Crystal.

"Crys, who are you talking to?" Corvus asked, entering the room, her wand still drawn. Corvus looked around but didn't see anyone else in the room.

"This is Herbert," Crystal said, motioning to a portrait of a handsome wizard hanging on the wall. "Herbert, this is my best friend and business partner, Corvus Black."

"A Black, you say?" Herbert asked. "My wife was a Black. Perhaps you're related."

"Good to see you're making friends already," Corvus smirked at Crystal.


	6. Chapter 6

Corvus handed Crystal a wrapped sandwich, which she eagerly unwrapped and began eating. She was so hungry that she was almost able to look past the strangeness of the pumpkin bread used for it ("Really? Pumpkin? It's June!"). In between bites, she continued conversing with the portrait and Corvus.

Herbert, it turned out, was the original owner of the property they now owned. He explained that the shop previously specialized in selling magical jewelry and gemstones, but that maintaining a reputable business in such a trade was difficult.

Herbert swished his thick hair out of his handsome face, his light blue eyes looking wistfully off into the distance as he spoke. "It was tragic to watch the business fall into disrepair, particularly as my living counterpart grew older. Eventually, they abandoned the business, and me, all together."

"Poor thing." Crystal patted the frame of the portrait sympathetically, accidentally leaving a sandwich crumb. She quickly dusted it back off. "You must be so lonely."

"Well, there will be plenty of people here soon. Hopefully by this time next week! You'll never have to worry about the business being empty again." Corvus was cheerful, sipping on a bottle of butterbeer. "Coffee brings people in like nothing else."

"A week? Do you think we'll be able to get that much done?" Crystal thought of her foot going through the stair, and the banging noises in the walls. "I mean, this place is kind of a dump. No offense, Herbert."

Herbert sniffed proudly at the comment, but did not respond otherwise.

Corvus patted Crystal on the shoulder, "Have a little faith in my vision, Crys. It will happen."


	7. Chapter 7

Today Corvus would be visiting the Ministry of Magic. She had two tasks to accomplish: apply for any permits that she and Crys would need to open their magical Starbucks, and hire a freed house elf.

After receiving directions to the Ministry from Herbert (who had to inquire as to its whereabouts from other more recent portraits), Corvus was off to find the red telephone box that was the visitors' entrance.

The red telephone box turned out to be an elevator (more like the Tower of Terror in Corvus's opinion) that led to an atrium. After receiving her visitor's pass ("Corvus Black - Entrepreneur") and registering her wand, she was on her way.

Sort of.

It turned out the Ministry of Magic had no departments dealing with permits or licensing of businesses or food establishments. This only took Corvus two hours to figure out after being shuffled around three different departments, each on a different floor.

"For a government that really seems to like being in control of so many aspects of magical life, they sure are pretty laissez-faire when it comes to business," Corvus said to herself. "No wonder The Leaky Cauldron was disgusting. Never eating there again."

Corvus made her way to the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures.

"May I help you?" a young witch asked as Corvus stepped off the elevator on level four.

"Yeah, I need to hire a house elf."

"You need to go to the Beast, Being, and Spirit Divisions, just down this hall and second door on the left," the young witch said.

Corvus stepped through the door into a waiting room that was filled with magical creatures - goblins, house elfs, a ghost, and one man who looked like he'd seen better days - all sitting in chairs and waiting for their number to be called.

Corvus took a number - 1,736 - and looked up at the counter on the wall. It read 628.

"Holy Christ. I'm going to be here forever," she muttered.

Three and a half hours later, and one awkward conversation with the shabby man who turned out to be a werewolf, it was Corvus's turn to approach the window.

Forms were filled out (with quills on parchment! Was this the Middle Ages?), a fee paid, and one freed house elf was hired.

The elf, who's name was Twitchy, would be arriving at Corvus and Crys' property the next afternoon.


	8. Chapter 8

During the first three nights in their new home, Crystal was awakened by loud banging noises coming from the walls and attic. She would bolt up, wide eyed, and glance instinctively over to Herbert's empty portrait. He left every night before she prepared for bed and would stay away to "preserve her modesty." Somehow, the empty black wooden chair in the frame was even eerier than it would have been to have him staring at her as she slept. Tonight was no different, and she felt a shiver go down her spine as she quietly wished the painted gentleman would reappear in his frame and reassure her.

Crys pulled her wand from under her pillow and illuminated the tip, lighting the room. The entire coffee shop below was silent, and she could barely make out the sound of Corvus' snoring from the other room. Another bang came from the walls, and scurrying sounds seemed to follow it. The tattooed snake on her arm, who was by large nocturnal and awake anyway, coiled into an s-shape on her neck and hissed, startled, before slithering away to a safer hidden location under her arm. Crystal crossed her arms, hugging herself reassuringly.

When she was growing up, Crystal's childhood attic had become the home to a family of squirrels. Their loud bumps and scratching noises had kept her awake then, too. Her father, in his typical jack-of-all-trades manner, had single handedly captured all of the squirrels using rigged cages and bait, and relocated them miles away to the wooded park around Lake Alatoona, where he assured Crystal they were spending their days happily in trees eating nuts.

Another loud bang echoed through her room, making her jump. She stood, inhaling deeply. Crys straightened the oversized t-shirt she had been sleeping in and held her head high. If her No-Maj father could handle the multitude of unpredictable things that life threw at him, she could handle a few squirrels in the walls.

Barefoot, she crept out of the room and into the dim hallway. Long shadows slanted away from her in jagged angles, making her shiver again. The sounds were louder from the hallway, and now she was positive they came from the attic. Crys bit her lip, and with her free left hand went for the door knob. She tried to turn the knob as quietly as possible, but it didn't matter. The old door let out a prolonged, painful squeak as it opened on its ancient hinges.

The light from her wand reflected off a pair of large, yellow eyes, hovering in the corner of the attic. She froze, locking eyes with the creature. Without making a noise, it turned before slinking away into the darkness. Crystal was able to make out a sleek tail punctuated at its tip with dark plume of deep brown fur before the creature moved out of the light of her wand and seemingly into the void.

Crystal closed the door, her heart pounding fast. Eyes still wide, she made her way back to bed. If it was a squirrel, it was a large one. Either way, it was a problem that would require more research in the light of day, and several cups of strong coffee to solve.


	9. Chapter 9

Corvus woke up to the sound of clanging dishes downstairs.

"Crys? Is that you making a racket at this ungodly hour?" Corvus shouted.

When Corvus received no answer, she groaned and rolled out of bed. She made her way downstairs to the small kitchen area in the back of the building. As Corvus entered the room, she was startled by the house elf who looked to be making breakfast.

"Um, hello," a wide-eyed Corvus said.

"Hello! I is Twitchy. Is you Mistress Corvus Black?" the elf replied. "Twitchy is cooking breakfast for you!"

"You can just call me Corvus," Corvus said, looking at the pile of food on the counter.

"Mistress Corvus must sits and eat," Twitchy said as she levitated a plate full of scrambled eggs, bacon, toast, and orange slices to the counter directly in front of Corvus. At a snap of Twitchy's fingers, a cup of steaming coffee also appeared.

"Thank you, Twitchy," Corvus said. "But you don't need to make this much every morning."

"Is Twitchy's pleasure to cooks meals!"

"Mmmm. Do I smell food?" Crys asked, walking in. As soon as she spotted the house elf, she squealed. "Oh my god! You're a real house elf!"

"Crys, this is Twitchy," Corvus said. "Twitchy, this is Crystal."

"Is Miss Crystal also Twitchy's mistress too?" the elf asked.

"Yes, you should listen to Crystal as well as me," Corvus said.

"I've never met a house elf before," Crystal gushed. "Tell me all about yourself!"

Twitchy seemed a bit unnerved at Crystal's enthusiasm, and attempted to deflect the conversation away from herself by asking the two women all about their favorite foods.

Over breakfast, Corvus and Twitchy agreed upon the terms of Twitchy's employment. Twitchy would receive two galleons a week in pay, would have Mondays off, and would live in the walk-in pantry in the kitchen. She would also have a green Starbucks apron to wear over the brown burlap sack that she was currently wearing as a dress.

After breakfast, the two women were about to leave the kitchen when they saw Twitchy placing a bowl of milk on the floor.

"Twitchy, what's the milk for?" Crys asked.

"Is for Twitchy's new friend," she replied, turning around and getting to work cleaning up, effectively dismissing her new mistresses.


	10. Chapter 10

Crystal looked around the room with no small degree of pride. Between Corvus' vision, Twitchy's magic, and Crystal's constant supply of caffeine, what had been a musty abandoned storefront was nearly transformed into a warm and inviting coffee shop. Crystal had almost immediately installed the espresso machine and bean grinder, and the smell of warm roasted coffee floated through the air as they woke early in the morning and late at night to prepare for their grand opening.

Twitchy had become especially fond of double-shot-dry-lattes, and consumed the caffeine at least twice as fast as the other two combined. Crystal watched the elf fly around the room in a blur, assembling furniture that Starbucks Corporate had sent over. She whispered to Corvus, "Should we be concerned at all? I mean, I don't know much about house elf physiology, but that seems like a lot of caffeine for someone so small."

Corvus shrugged. "She seems to be handling it well enough. She's certainly efficient."

Twitchy stopped, downed the rest of her latte, and then dashed to several boxes which she shredded open before rapidly laying out the parts of a half dozen disassembled tables.

"Is this, you know, normal?" Crystal asked. "For a house elf."

"No clue," Corvus responded.

Twitchy clapped her hands together. The table parts lifted in the air and assembled with a loud bang, before all clattering to the floor. The two witches jumped, gaining Twitchy's attention. She threw her wide-eyed gaze at them, and Crystal nervously flashed Twitchy a thumbs up while Corvus assured Twitchy she was doing an excellent job.

At the end of the night, Crys and Corvus raised the Starbucks sign into the window. Crys held her breath as Corvus flicked her wand, turning the sign on. The two stared up at the familiar green beacon with a mix of pride, excitement, and maybe a little reverence.


	11. Chapter 11

It was finally opening day. Corvus and Crystal both had their green Starbucks aprons on, the coffee was ready to go, the green sign was lit up, and the doors were unlocked.

But there were no people lining up to order coffee.

"This isn't going how I thought it would," Crystal said with a frown, slumping down behind the register.

"Let's give it a bit longer," Corvus said. "We may get a lunch rush."

Five hours later they still hadn't had a single customer. The enthusiastic atmosphere from earlier had all but disappeared.

"What do we do?" Crystal asked in an almost panic. "We put our entire savings into this! We're already failing."

"I have a backup plan," Corvus said calmly. "No worries."

Corvus exited through the front door and approached the Starbucks sign above the door. She pulled her wand out, flourished some complicated wand movements and said, "Cantis Locomotor."

The siren in the Starbucks sign began to move. Her head slowly turned from side to side, and it looked as if her hair was being moved by a breeze. Occasionally, her hands would move as if beckoning someone over. Then the siren began to sing a soft vocal melody.

"What did you do?" Crystal asked, staring up at the sign in amazement.

"Enchanted the siren to lure in customers," said Corvus with a smirk. "Hopefully we'll get some customers coming in who have an inexplicable desire for coffee."

"That sort of seems like cheating," Crys said with a laugh. "But I approve."

Ten minutes later, their first customer came through the door.


	12. Chapter 12

Despite their enchanted Siren sign, singing lovely soft tunes to every passerby, business was slow. A few days into being open Crystal sat lazily behind the bar, slumped over with her elbows on the Formica and her head in her hands. There had only been three customers since they had opened at six that morning, and there was very little to do.

"You're moping again," Corvus said, nudging her with her elbow. "Are you going for the 'angsty barista' look?"

"Am I a barista if I am not making espresso?" Crystal said, throwing her hand against her forehead in a fainting pose, face distraught. A small smile cracked through her forced look of pain. "How is this?"

"Positively existential." Corvus grinned. "Look, why don't you go walk around and do some market research for us? We need to figure out why people aren't coming in to get coffee."

Corvus didn't need to ask twice. Crystal jumped on the opportunity to stretch her legs and do something useful. She made herself a mocha and took it with her, hoping it would be a conversation starter as she wandered the streets.

A few things stood out to her as she roamed the streets. While there were a handful of people wearing jeans or t-shirts, most people wore robes and old-fashioned Wizarding attire. Unlike back in America, very little influence from the non-magical world had creeped into wizarding London.

Eventually her wandering brought her to the most impressive bookstore she had ever seen: Fourish and Blotts. For a moment Crystal forgot her marketing mission and instead became totally immersed in the joy one feels when they discover a treasure trove of books. She wandered through the many shelves and displays, gently running her fingers over the spines of books as she walked. One display in the middle of the shop caught her eye. It was covered in a new edition of "Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them." Her mind went to the strange, noisy creature in their attic and walls that was keeping her up at night.

Every student at Ilvermorny had a gotten a copy of the book when they began school. In an attempt to travel light, Crystal had left hers in the States. She regretted it now, and picked up the crisp new copy of the book before walking to the counter to pay.

"Picking this up for a new Hogwarts student?" The cashier asked as she handed him the required sickles and knuts.

"Oh, no, I just needed a copy," Crystal said. "Are a lot of Hogwarts students coming in?"

The cashier shrugged. "Not yet, but they're starting to trickle in. They're getting their Hogwarts letters right now. In a few weeks we'll be overrun with kids and tired parents."

This gave Crystal an idea. She thanked the cashier and left, book tucked under her arm as she headed back to the coffee shop. When she entered, she was pleased to see a couple more people sitting around the shop, sipping on cups of coffee.

"I've got a plan," Crystal said to Corvus. Corvus raised an eyebrow at Crystal from where she was cleaning the steam wand, and Crystal told her the idea.

The next day, they hung up a large sign in the window: "Free Grande coffee for parents of new students! Show us your Hogwarts letter for one free coffee."

A week later, the line was out of the door.


End file.
